I am not disappointed and I am not really surprised. But it’s apparent that some folks didn’t read my “Lessons from the Police Blotter” column I wrote a year ago. I still had a lot of crime to report.

I also take heart: No one commits a crime expecting to get caught. And there are always novel ways to victimize and to become a victim. So, I’ll try again. Maybe post the column on the refrigerator this time.

JANUARY

• Be sure to get something to eat first

The 24-year-old Oak Harbor man wasn’t hard to spot after running away from Boeing security officers on Garden Avenue. He was on his back, arms at his sides and palms up, refusing to talk or get up. But he still gave up 2.56 grams of heroin, a butterfly knife and $640 in cash. But his night wasn’t all wasted. The hospital ER didn’t serve food, so the officer bought him a cheeseburger on the way to jail.

• Try your best not to look suspicious

It probably wasn’t smart to sit in the car and smoke marijuana. But the two men quickly got out and went into a laundromat, all the while looking back at the officer. Eventually, they came out. A baggie full of meth fell from a pants pocket. And for the other there was a $600 warrant. They went off to jail.

• If you’re robbed, walk away from the vacuum cleaner

Her first mistake was leaving her iPhone and her black coach purse in her car when she went to a movie. They were stolen. Officers couldn’t find any evidence inside the car, probably because she vacuumed it on the way to the police station to report the crime.

FEBRUARY

• Watch out for flying tires, dueling charges

His mission was simple: Buy his wife some tires. But he didn’t have her store membership card. He got angry, tossing a tire twice at a manager who tried to explain the store policy. Both wanted to file charges against the other. But here’s the takeaway: The officer explained that being rude or providing poor customer service wasn’t a crime but hitting someone with a tire was.

MARCH

• Nothing good comes from violating transit center rules

You have to ask, was smoking the cigarette at the Metro Transit Center downtown really worth the risk of having an officer spot the (stolen and loaded) revolver shoved down your pants and the baggies of marijuana and cocaine? Especially if you’re a felon? Especially if you already have a $1,000 warrant for unlawful transit conduct? He insisted the pot and cocaine were for his own personal use. He was hauled off to jail.

• Sometimes it’s just a drug deal gone bad

The story had a lot of holes: a stranger, an unknown apartment building, a waiting getaway car. He insisted he was robbed but why didn’t he touch the loaded 9mm Sig Sauer pistol shoved down his pants? Even when police tracked down the suspect, he didn’t want the other guy pursued. Maybe it was just a drug deal gone bad.

• The gold paint will give you away every time

The elderly man drinking from an open can of Hurricane beer asked the officer: “You looking for the huffer? She’s in the bushes.” There she was, foil held to her face, sniffing deeply, remnants of gold paint covering her mouth, nose, fingers and hands. Huffing (inhaling toxic fumes) got her arrested and the helpful man was booked for his open can of beer and a warrant.

APRIL

• No. No. No. It’s not funny to make a false report

And, no, he wasn’t high on PCP, didn’t hit a pole on an I-405 off-ramp and he really knew his name. Two Renton officers and two state troopers weren’t amused when he told them he just thought it was funny to mess with them. Nor did it help when he tried to hit an officer with his Camaro. Eventually he apologized and was cited for false reporting.

• A question that deserves a sound-proof answer

How long must hens go cluck, cluck, cluck before their owner is cited for having too many noisy animals inside the city? For one Renton Police officer it was about an hour. The clucking started quietly at about 6:55 a.m. on April 2, but by 7 one of the hen’s clucks were audible out on the street. Then silence, then more loud cackling that went on for the better part of an hour, long enough for a valid complaint. Code enforcement kept an eye on the henhouse.

MAY

• A ‘Frozen’ tin is the first place officers look

It soon became apparent to officers the woman was dealing drugs – and not shoplifting stuff for her kids. She was arrested for the shoplifting but a search yielded three tins filled with meth – one pink, one yellow and one “Frozen” tin in her bra. The meth weighed 11.34 grams. She was booked for selling drugs.

JUNE

• The “I was buying pizza” alibi doesn’t work

In a horrifying robbery, a woman was robbed of $20 by four men who threatened to drug her with chloroform and kidnap her if she didn’t turn over her money. The men fled but were soon caught. The one who took the $20 was really off buying pizza. But the officer asked, “Where’s the pizza?” And a $20 bill was in his pocket.

• When in doubt, say the meth is your nephew’s

She gathered up 63 items worth of stolen goods and put a half-drunk drink in her purse before she was stopped outside Wal-Mart. As officers do after an arrest, they searched her purse and in looking inside a hide-a-key box found meth, which she said belonged to her nephew. That landed her in jail for drug possession, along with theft.

JULY

• Just close door on any ‘fellow’ who shows up at 8 p.m.

This particular “fellow” showed up with an offer to change over an elderly couple’s cable service – for $1. He asked for and received a credit card, name and birth date. He’d run out of business cards and his nowhere-in-view truck was up the street. Their daughter told them to cancel the deal – but that would cost them $350. She called the “fellow,” who agreed to cancel the deal if only she wouldn’t call police.

• Occasionally there’s a helpful ‘kleptomaniac’

He admitted he was a kleptomaniac and that he would get caught stealing personal-care products from Wal-Mart. He admitted he had meth and a pipe in one of his backpacks and verbally helped the officers find them. And he rode with one to jail.

AUGUST

• This doesn’t work: “Sir, sir. I didn’t do anything.”

It took just 81 seconds for Renton Police officers to stop the 34-year-old Renton man in a stolen Honda Accord. He tried that line on them. The “jiggler keys” used to defeat the ignition and door locks gave him away.

• It’s hard for 200-pound man to hide in a fridge

Two big men tried their best to hide from officers responding to a report of a burglary. A 200 pounder chose the refrigerator. When he tried to flee, the officer pinned him inside. The much shorter one (but still 190 pounds) hid behind the clothes washer and hot-water, where he almost escaped notice. Luckily for them, the company managing the vacant house didn’t want to press charges. But they faced charges for a nearby break-in.

• Be careful where you hide your drugs

They were caught stealing a T-shirt and assaulting a store security officer at Wal-Mart. On the way to jail, the officer finally had to stop to find out why one of them was squirming so much in the back seat. The officer discovered a potential illegal drug hidden in the crack of his rear end, but identification was impossible because it had been heavily ground in the car’s rubber mat.

• Here’s one way to get free tickets to a movie

A fight broke out between two women over talking and laughing while watching the movie “Straight Outta Compton” with their dates. There were a tossed cut of pop, a bloody nose and name calling. It was all called breach of peace with mutual combat. But they did get free tickets to another movie, presumably not with each other.

SEPTEMBER

• Pay attention in your anger-management class

The 56-year-old Preston man didn’t. Helmetless, he rode his bike down the Cedar River Trail, foul language and spit flowing from his mouth. He puffed in his chest and took a fighting stance. He was tased and hauled off to jail.

OCTOBER

• This one’s obvious: Don’t hit golf balls out of your yard

A 19-year-old Renton man had no idea where the golf balls landed he was hitting from a backyard toward residences on Southwest Sunset Boulevard. No damage was reported, but the officer told the two to stop hitting golf balls out of their yard.

NOVEMBER

• If you did it, don’t linger long enough to get fingered

Luckily for the Toppenish man, Fred Meyer didn’t want to press shoplifting charges against him but he couldn’t come back into the store. He was free to go but didn’t get away fast enough: a portable fingerprint scan showed he was wanted on an escape warrant.

DECEMBER

• Never too big to steal

The Des Moines man who just bought a 50-inch flat-screen TV and surround-sound system decided he wanted to do some more shopping. So, he left his big new purchases highly visible in his car. When he returned, he found a passenger window shattered and the $900 TV and sound system gone.