October is not only the month to celebrate ghouls and goblins on Halloween, it’s the month to acknowledge one of the most pervasive and negative social behaviors among children – the act of bullying.

According to stopbullying.gov, the definition of bullying is, “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated over time.”

Bullying can take many forms. The most common is probably teasing and/or name calling. But it can also include spreading rumors or embarrassing someone in public. It can be something physical, like tripping someone, spitting on them, or pinching them. But it can also be leaving someone out of a game or party on purpose, thereby embarrassing them or hurting their feelings. It can even come in the form of extortion or the stealing of one’s possessions.

And in the 21st Century, cyber bullying has become a very real thing.

The sad truth is that bullying is only reported to adults one in every three cases. Why don’t more kids report it?

The act of bullying can make both the child who is bullied and the children who witness it feel helpless because they fear a backlash from the child who did the bullying. Being bullied is often embarrassing and something the child doesn’t want his/her parents to know. Often kids who are bullied are already feeling isolated, so they may feel there is no one who will step in and help. Peer pressure and peer respect is also a strong element. Kids don’t want to be seen as a tattletale or may feel the fear of rejection if they tell.

How can a parent tell if their child is being bullied? Look for unexplained injuries, lost or torn clothing or possessions, sudden complaints of frequent headaches or feeling sick, feigning illness, a decline in grades, avoiding social situations at school, or trouble sleeping.

Studies have shown that bullying is not a rite of passage or just a normal part of growing up. Children who were bullied, or were themselves the bully, are at a higher risk of suffering from depression, anxiety, panic disorders and antisocial personality disorders as they get older.

In the most extreme cases, it has the potential to lead to acts of violence or even suicide.

So what can we do?

Tell your child that if he/she sees someone being bullied, don’t encourage it by watching. Tell them to eliminate the audience by leaving the scene and then telling a trustworthy adult. If it feels safe, encourage your child to disrupt the situation, perhaps by saying something like, “Your mom’s here, you have to go.” Children can set a good example by not bullying others. They can reach out to someone who has been bullied to let them know they are not alone. And always encourage them to participate in school anti-bullying projects.

Thousands of children will dress up this year as a ghoul or goblin for Halloween. And it’s all in good fun. But frankly, bullies don’t need masks or makeup to scare others. They are frightening enough all on their own.

This year, have a conversation with your children. We can all help to stop bullying if we talk about it, keep our eyes and ears open, and report it when we see it. There are real-life consequences if we don’t – and they can be worse than any horror movie shown on a Halloween night.

Lynn Bohart is the executive director of the Renton Community Foundation.