I don’t know about you, but all this news about personal surveillance has me seeing red. As a result, I’ve changed my life radically.

Recently I read that some police cars have cameras randomly running license plates, using a system called Automatic License Plate Readers (ALPR). This should not be confused with the ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union).

Since this new system tracks date, time and location, I try not to go to the same store more than once a day and at different times in case they think it’s a drop-off point for illegal activity.

Worried that my personalized license plate, “Wing It,” might raise a red flag as a possible “flight risk,” I chose to change it. Most people with personalized license plates usually don’t commit crimes because it is too easy for the average citizen to remember. Now I have one with lots of alpha and numeric digits, making it harder for me to remember.

And, while I was at it, I removed my NRA bumper sticker along with the 5-inch by 5-inch, yellow-and-black sticker in the window that reads: “Gun on Board.” Once again, I don’t want to raise a red flag and provoke anyone.

I had an appointment with my hairdresser to get a new hair style and color, but canceled it. I feared it might look like I’m trying to change my appearance and raise a red flag. This hacks me off as I always want to look good for the surveillance cameras everywhere I go.

Oops! Maybe I shouldn’t have said “hack.”

So, on occasion, I wear a wig, wide-brimmed hat and sunglasses just in case my “big brother” is flying surveillance drones overhead.

I returned my recently purchased hoody for a regular sweatshirt, so that neighborhood Block Watch captains won’t follow me when I’m out for my nightly walk. Now when it rains, my wig looks like a wet, hairy guinea pig.

Since search engines on my computer are tracking my website footprints, I got rid of the internet. Now I live in a vacuum with no way to communicate with people via e-mail or any means to look up information. The upside is I won’t be aware of any new technology that might “bug” me.

Finally, since the National Security Agency is so interested in our phone calls, I canceled out of my phone contract. I asked my family and friends to never call me again. I’ll go back to the early days and use smoke signals but will observe our current environmental laws and not communicate when there’s a burn ban.

I think I have my paranoia under control now. I’ve taken all the necessary steps to ensure that my freedom, the right to make choices and my expectation of privacy under the Constitution and Bill of Rights are still guaranteed and protected.

It was a simple fix – all I had to do was give up my freedom, my right to make choices and my privacy.

I was always under the impression our Flag was red, white and blue – turns out it’s red.

Welcome to the new secure America.

Tish Gregory is a free-lance writer. You can reach her at: tishgregory@aol.com